From Mom-to-Be To Miscarriage

by - March 11, 2018

A positive pregnancy test!

When I first started drafting this post, I envisioned writing something very different. Something happier, and more exciting, and full of life. I haven't written since mid-January because we've been keeping a big exciting secret! And now that it's common knowledge, I've debated putting something so intensely personal online for the world to find. I have to remember that my situation and my life is not for me but for Him, the one who gave me life and a purpose.

A week ago, B and I were flying home to surprise our families with both our presence...


 and some much-anticipated news - which went over really well (see below video).



And then after all the festivities, we had one more surprise that no one was expecting. A week ago, I miscarried.

What was and is horribly sad and unexpected would have been 1000X worse if we had been 800 miles away from my mom and not been surrounded by family. So we're thankful that in God's wisdom and timing we were home with family. There haven't been any huge medical complications and we're coping as well as we can under the circumstances. We're sad, and questioning our decisions, and taking one day at a time as we turn to each other for comfort.

But I want to rise ABOVE these circumstances. If you have gone through anything similar, I want to hear your stories. If you have any praise/worship songs that have gotten you through tough times, I want those recommendations. Most of all, I don't want miscarriage to be a horrible shameful secret.

Did you know that 15%-20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage in the first trimester? That's 1 in 5 women that will go through this. If miscarriage is so common, why does no one talk about it? I have received so much support from my female family members that endured and overcame miscarriages but had never talked about them before. If you have experienced a miscarriage or a stillbirth (or God forbid both) PLEASE reach out to me. PLEASE talk about it. There is healing and comfort in community.

I've been struggling with the "Why Me?" and "What are B and I supposed to be learning from this horrible and sad experience?" and I think this is it. I don't want to be alone going through this, and I don't want others to feel alone. I want to be a resource for other women who are looking for someone to talk to. It's so easy to shut others out and grieve privately, but that is not what Christ wants for us. We are designed to live in community.  B and I are striving to be intentional in relationships that are real and messy and seek to honor God, even when all we want to do is shut the world out and be sad with each other. If we lack joy, it is because we lack faith.

Verses & Music That Are Seeing Me Through

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." ~ James 1:2-3 

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. ~ Romans 8:18

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. ~ Jeremiah 29:11

I am sending him back to you, sending my very heart. ~ Philemon 1:12

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. ~ Proverbs 3:5-6

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. ~ Matthew 5:4

As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. ~ Ecclesiastes 11:5


Please enjoy this playlist I've put together from recommendations from some amazing ladies that are members of The Sassy Club and River Market Community Church.



Thank you all so much for your love, support, and prayers. Leave your comments below if you would like prayer, have additions to my playlist, or you want to share your story.

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12 comments

  1. Hi there. thanks for sharing this. i’ve miscarried before and i know how painful it can be. just allow yourself to feel and dont think you have to always keep it together. much love to you & God bless :)

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    1. Miscarriage is so common but it's something that isn't ever talked about. Thank you for being brave and sharing your story with me. Some days are harder than others and it's strange to feel like I need permission to grieve or to not be okay, but sometimes I really do have to give myself permission!

      How is it on the other side of miscarriage?

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  2. I'm so so so incredibly sorry to hear you are struggling with this and am sending all my love and light your way <3 this truly breaks my heart. My boyfriend and I have struggled with infertility for nearly three years, so I understand the emotional turmoil that this can have on a person; though I have never made it to the pregnancy stage. There are no words I can offer to take away your pain, but I just wanted to let you know that somewhere in New Jersey, someone is thinking of you and offering up so much peace and comfort to you. Please reach out if there's anything I can do <3 <3 <3 We're all in this together.

    XOXO

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    1. Thank you for sharing your story with me. It's amazing how comforting it can be to know that you aren't suffering alone, and that so many stories are following similar plots. Somwhere in Missouri, you also have a prayer warrior πŸ’œ

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  3. Hello!! I want to start by saying sorry you have to go through this. Sometimes in life things get to go completely against us but at the same time good days will never stop coming again.I believe things will always workout in your favour. Just stay strong,be positive and exercise a little patience. I do love the songs and I know you probably have heard this but I still recommend it. Closer than you know by Hillsong united. God bless you.

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    1. Thank you so much for the song recommendation! I've added it to my playlist and no, I hadn't heard it before though I thought I knew a lot of Hillsong United songs. Strong, positive, and patient - good things to strive to be.

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  4. I have often wondered why we don't speak more about miscarriage. It is something that can be so profound and life changing yet we act like it never was. I am very sorry for your loss and pray that you never forget your not a lone.

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  5. Thank you for writing this! I was a very high risk pregnancy, but we made it through with a healthy baby. However... I spent the whole time feeling alone and scared to death that I would lose my baby, to the point where I didn't take any pictures and hated the baby shower. I began to realize that we need more voices talking about more stories than just the perfect easy pregnancy. Thank you for sharing!
    I love the Philemon 1:12 verse, that is a huge promise and I pray it comes true for you!

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    1. I've never read that verse this way before "I'm sending him - who is my very heart - back to you." Thank you! And thank you for sharing your story! It must be so hard being both hopeful and fearful simultaneously and I'm glad you were blessed in your faithfulness with a healthy baby despite the obstacles!

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  6. I’ve never gone through this, but I could only imagine how hard this is! I pray the lord comforts you and gives you and your husband and family strength! These songs has helped me through tough times ��

    Israel Houghton- You hold my world
    Anthony Brown - Trust In You

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  7. Morning Morgan:
    I was so sorry to read your post. I have experienced the heartbreak of miscarriage as well. A year after Terry and I were first married I fell pregnant. I was 10 weeks along when I went in for a routine ultrasound and found no heartbeat. To say we were devastated is an understatement. I went on to fall pregnant again 3 months later and then delivered Teagan. Later when I became a gestational carrier I lost twins at 13 weeks - just when you think you are out of the woods. I was carried through my the love and support of my family, church and close friends. But more than anything, just seeking the Lord. That is what got me through. Praying for you.

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    1. Thank you for reaching out & sharing your story, Cori. My first ultrasound wasn't until we rushed to the emergency hospital, so we don't even know for certain when things went wrong. We have received so much support from our friends and family, and even when it's hard to see so many of them pregnant right now it is appreciated. Thank you for your prayers!

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