Have y'all seen the new Opalhouse collection at Target? OH MY GOSH! It is everything I would put into my dream home and at Target prices! I am in love! If you follow me on Pinterest, you'll recognize some decor themes; it's like Target was reading my mind!

Thank you Addison's Wonderland for sharing your favorites because it has led me down a rabbit hole that even my thrift-shopping wallet can enjoy. I'm sharing some of my favorites room by room below, so feast your eyes! (These are affiliate links so everytime you click to shop I earn a small referral fee. This comes at no cost to you.) Of course, if you head over to Target.com you can see the entire collection unfiltered - which I recommend. If you just want to shop the top photo, click here.

Opalhouse Bedroom

Opalhouse Bath

Opalhouse Dining

Having visited Target since writing this blog, I do have to add a few things!

1.  Yes, everything looks beautiful and trendy, but...
2.  Some of it feels so cheap!
3.  Which leads me to suggest that some of these items (particularly the kitchen goods) would be great for a dorm or first apartment, but maybe won't have long-term durability.

Miscarriage is sad and confusing.

First, there's the frantic rush to a clinic because something just isn't right; there may have been unexpected blood or spotting, or maybe you're cramping but you've googled it and that might just be ligaments stretching so maybe there's nothing to worry about. There's the kind nursing staff and the distant doctor that say things like 'low sac' and 'is there any pain?' until all of the questions and statements and concern just blur until you want to shout "will someone just tell me what's going on!" but you can't because he's there holding your hand and telling you sweet things and keeping you calm and your mom's on the way and the ultrasound technician is there and isn't this supposed to be a happy milestone? Then, there's the actual pain of losing a baby - the contractions (no one told me how much like period cramps those contractions actually are, but x10 on the intensity scale), the premature delivery of something very small and silent and not at all what you hoped it would be because it's too early, the blood. There's the emotional trauma, the grief and loss and anger. For me, it was all of those things. Add some morphine, fancy diapers and hospital scrubs, and an unwavering desire to just go to sleep when it was all "over" and you have a very accurate description of that fateful Saturday just five long weeks ago.

And that's just the beginning. There are follow-up doctor appointments, blood tests, ultrasounds, pads and pads and pads because even when it's over it's not over. There are prescriptions to fill because there is still pain and the possibility of infection and nurse hotlines to call with each and every question.  And then there's the wondering: am I still spotting or spotting again or is this my period? When will I get my period? Can I get pregnant again soon? Do I want to? Do we want to?

There aren't a lot of resources out there for women who have gone through it, just forums that are never followed up on and comment strings that can convince that a) you're super fertile after a miscarriage so try again! or b) there are two more miscarriages in your future before the medical community will consider infertility as a condition.

And yet, life continues.

So many have gathered around us and just LOVED on us. There is no way I would be doing as well as I am without those who reached out to us, even when they didn't understand. I would not have been able to share that post on Instagram without all of the support that we have received. Women have come out of the woodwork to share their stories, to offer condolences, to listen to my questions, to pray over me, and to hold me when I can't keep back the tears.

I received the sweetest letter from a lady I have never met. It brought me to tears even as it brought me comfort. I share this one passage from it that has been so important to me:

"Your God is still good and he hurts for you. The Psalms tell us that the Lord draws near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. In 2 Corinthians we learn that the father of mercies and the God of all comfort comforts us in our affliction. He is your shield, your stronghold, your refuge. Lean into the God who makes beauty out of ashes. He adores you and He will sustain you. I pray that you would take refuge in your God. That you would cry out to Him and know his comfort."

If you are going through this, you are not alone. Don't hide your grief, don't act like nothing has happened. Actively reach out for help and support and accept kindness. If you're anything like me going through this and not wanting to ask people a lot of questions, you do a lot of googling instead. Here's what I found:

Q & A

Q: When will I get my period after a miscarriage?
A: Your first period should usually occur four weeks after the hCG hormone levels come back to zero. It may take up to 7 weeks if you're experiencing a "normal" recovery. Spotting is not uncommon and may be mistaken for a period.

Q: What is a blighted ovum?
A: A fertilized egg attaches to the uterine wall, but no embryo develops. Your body experiences all the usual pregnancy symptoms - you won't have your period, when you take a pregnancy test it will be positive, you'll experience morning sickness and cravings. A blighted ovum is usually the result of chromosomal abnormalities, which your body recognizes and naturally decides not to continue to develop the fetus into a healthy baby. Sometimes, your body will pass a blighted ovum before you even know you're pregnant. Other times, it will not be known until an ultrasound reveals an empty gestational sac.

Q: What's with all these blood tests?
A: Doctors are monitoring hCG levels after miscarriage to ensure that all fetal tissue has passed and that your body has recognized that you are no longer pregnant. hCG levels will drop steadily post-miscarriage, landing back at zero around 10 days later.

Q: What is hCG?
A: The hormone produced during pregnancy with a long complicated name. Blood tests and urine pregnancy tests measure for this hormone; positive, it's there and you're pregnant!

Q: Why does it (physically) hurt so much after?
A: I found that the actual delivery process of my miscarriage in the hospital was painful and sudden, especially once we knew that we had lost the baby and my body was trying to "expel" him. What I did not expect in the following days was to experience sudden breath-catching body-freezing bouts of pain. It turns out that your uterus is still contracting. Uterine contractions occur when the body is trying to pass the pregnancy tissue and complete the miscarriage. These contractions were unexpected and painful and because I didn't know what they were or why it was happening, scary. They only lasted for three days.

Some More Verses & Resources That Have Been a Blessing

Praise the Lord. Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; His love endures forever. ~ Psalms 106:1  But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. ~ Romans 8:25 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose ~ Romans 8:28 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 4:6-8

These are the few resources and groups I've found helpful, knowledgeable, and supportive, and I'll add to this post as I encounter more. Wherever you are in your post-miscarriage healing process, don't go through it alone! The Lilia Grace Community on Facebook. Jenna Kutcher's Goal Digger podcast, specifically this episode. #ihadamiscarriage on Instagram Facts About Miscarriage

Are you following my miscarriage journey? Start here.
Do you have questions that I didn't cover, or that you'd like to ask? Leave me a comment!

Photo from https://www.instagram.com/griefunfolding/

Shop Similar

Because my last Pinterest comparison post is one of your favorites, I've undertaken another! I've wanted a blanket ladder almost since I knew they were a thing, but they've always been out of budget or just not the style I want in my living room. As our collection of blankets has grown (shoutout to all my always cold girls!), the need for one has not gone away. Finally, I found one that I liked the look of, and because it was a DIY the price was much more manageable!

I came across two on Pinterest that looked almost identical in style and end-result, but with some different measurements and steps. The first is Foxtail And Moss's gorgeous DIY Wood + Copper Blanket Ladder. The other is Darling Darleen's DIY Modern Blanket Ladder. If you're a picture person, I suggest Darleen Meiers; if you're good with end-result photos and written instructions, Foxtail And Moss' post will work for you.

Materials:

• 3 7/8" wooden dowels (the 3/4" dowels were too loose in the fittings!)
• 6 3/4" copper pressure tees
• 4 3/4" copper caps
• Wood Glue
• Tape Measure
• Spray paint (if you want to paint your ladder)
• Hand saw (or cut your dowels at Home Depot or Lowes)

Cuts:

Because I had a very specific home in mind for our ladder, I made up my own measurements. I only wanted it to be 53" tall, so that breakdown looks like this:

• 2 20" dowel pieces - the bottom "legs" of the ladder
• 4 12.5" dowel pieces - the middle sections of the ladder posts
• 3 19" dowel pieces - the crossbars that will actually hold blankets
• 2 8" dowel pieces - the top "posts" of the ladder

The cold didn't keep us inside this weekend! Between a family dinner with one of our New York cousins and a church service that took too long to leave because we couldn't stop talking about all the craziness that is this week it feels like we barely saw the inside of our apartment. Because we were avoiding cabin fever, we took a drive through downtown Kansas City to 4 well-known murals all of which would be easy to get to from Main Street using the KC Streetcar.

We did these in a loop, starting and ending in the River Market. But the order doesn't matter!

Stop 1. 1720 Main St


Get ready for a hike up five flights of stairs and a lot of wind when you reach the top! This mural on top of the Barkley parking garage gets plenty of foot traffic (B and I had to wait for a pair of girls to finish up their photoshoot before I could take a few photos). Park on the street and then walk through the garage.



Stop 2. 3945 Main St





Stop 3. Union Hill


This one took some searching, but if you look for Cafe Europa, you'll find this right around the corner. Again, parking was pretty easy around this bit of green space and we even took a drive through the historic Union Cemetary a few blocks away.

Stop 4. 1919 Baltimore

BONUS! If you're feeling adventurous, seek out 2616 Guinotte Ave in the East Bottoms. You'll also find the Local Pig and Urban Provisions in very close proximity.

When I first started drafting this post, I envisioned writing something very different. Something happier, and more exciting, and full of life. I haven't written since mid-January because we've been keeping a big exciting secret! And now that it's common knowledge, I've debated putting something so intensely personal online for the world to find. I have to remember that my situation and my life is not for me but for Him, the one who gave me life and a purpose.

A week ago, B and I were flying home to surprise our families with both our presence...


 and some much-anticipated news - which went over really well (see below video).



And then after all the festivities, we had one more surprise that no one was expecting. A week ago, I miscarried.

What was and is horribly sad and unexpected would have been 1000X worse if we had been 800 miles away from my mom and not been surrounded by family. So we're thankful that in God's wisdom and timing we were home with family. There haven't been any huge medical complications and we're coping as well as we can under the circumstances. We're sad, and questioning our decisions, and taking one day at a time as we turn to each other for comfort.

But I want to rise ABOVE these circumstances. If you have gone through anything similar, I want to hear your stories. If you have any praise/worship songs that have gotten you through tough times, I want those recommendations. Most of all, I don't want miscarriage to be a horrible shameful secret.

Did you know that 15%-20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage in the first trimester? That's 1 in 5 women that will go through this. If miscarriage is so common, why does no one talk about it? I have received so much support from my female family members that endured and overcame miscarriages but had never talked about them before. If you have experienced a miscarriage or a stillbirth (or God forbid both) PLEASE reach out to me. PLEASE talk about it. There is healing and comfort in community.

I've been struggling with the "Why Me?" and "What are B and I supposed to be learning from this horrible and sad experience?" and I think this is it. I don't want to be alone going through this, and I don't want others to feel alone. I want to be a resource for other women who are looking for someone to talk to. It's so easy to shut others out and grieve privately, but that is not what Christ wants for us. We are designed to live in community.  B and I are striving to be intentional in relationships that are real and messy and seek to honor God, even when all we want to do is shut the world out and be sad with each other. If we lack joy, it is because we lack faith.

Verses & Music That Are Seeing Me Through

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." ~ James 1:2-3  For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. ~ Romans 8:18 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. ~ Jeremiah 29:11 I am sending him back to you, sending my very heart. ~ Philemon 1:12 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. ~ Proverbs 3:5-6 Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. ~ Matthew 5:4 As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. ~ Ecclesiastes 11:5

Please enjoy this playlist I've put together from recommendations from some amazing ladies that are members of The Sassy Club and River Market Community Church.

Thank you all so much for your love, support, and prayers. Leave your comments below if you would like prayer, have additions to my playlist, or you want to share your story.

1. Floral Hoop Wreath by These Lovely Acres
2. Personalized Photo Ring Dish by A Beautiful Mess
3. Heart Tree by Money Hip Mamas
4. Tassel Blanket by Paper & Stitch 
5. Lightbulb Terrarium by Clad & Cloth

If you've spent any time on my blog before, you'll know that I have a second blog. Yes, I'm crazy and decided I could keep up with two entirely different websites. I keep fun recipes and kitchen tips over on the Newlywed Pantry, the blog I write with my sister, to keep Morgan ma Belle more focused on what's going on in my life.


Over MLK weekend, I put together a cute shopping list you can print out and put on your fridge to make sure you never run out of those important kitchen staples. My mom used something just like this when I was growing up with six brothers and sisters to plan our meals for the week and organize the grocery shopping on a budget.

Head on over to the Newlywed Pantry to download the print-friendly PDF.

 We're officially moved into our new apartment! Yes, this is the one that we moved into over our second anniversary weekend with some help from some wonderful church family & friends. And no, we haven't been living out of boxes for a month. BUT we have just this three-day weekend added a coffee table to our collection of hodge-podge furniture and begun to hang artwork and photographs on the walls.

I also try to take a step back and look at the bookshelf as a whole.  I don't have all of my books upright, some I stack and stagger. And I don't only have books on the shelf but include framed photos and vases of flowers. It's important when styling things other than books that you keep it from looking too crowded with knick-knacks.  In a recent blog post on the Nester, she states that "Tidy People Don't Overdecorate." Since we're trying to keep this apartment as tidy and uncluttered as possible, it's necessary that even our storage areas - like the bookshelves - don't look get cluttered.

How do you style your shelves? Any tips that I missed? Let me know in the comments!

Goals, not resolutions. I've never been one to make resolutions, and this year will be no different. What I did do differently this year was create a vision board at a workshop led by Shannon Oleen for Underground Social KC that shows what I'd like to focus on this year. My word for this year, I've decided, is "intentionality."

So what do all of the pictures on my vision board represent? There's some travel inspiration shots, some motivation to speak up because I tend to chicken out in social settings where I don't know anyone, the wine glasses because I'd love to host friends more often, the books because I've always been a voracious reader but I haven't been very good recently at reading any new books, and the front door because we may be looking to purchase a house by the end of the year.

A few things didn't make it onto my vision board, like finally mastering Spanish and resolving (there it is, pretty close to "resolution") to keep our tiny apartment tidy at all times.

What are your 2018 goals?